Letter to my unborn baby

I found this in my documents folder today. I wrote it when I was 24 weeks pregnant. If I must say so myself… this is some pretty good shit!

Dear Dean,

You’re 24 weeks now and I’m so excited to meet you! The time feels like it’s been flying, but it’s still taking too long. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my whole life.

I get paranoid about every little twinge and if I don’t feel you kick a lot like you mostly do, even though people keep telling me that it’s normal. I’m just so scared that something is going to keep you away from me, and I don’t think I’d be able to handle if anything happened to keep us apart. Your daddy would be just as distraught. You’re the life of this family already my little man!

It was your daddy’s 38th birthday yesterday and I baked him 2 cakes. One chocolate and one lemon. I don’t think I should eat that much sweet stuff because I was definitely feeling under the weather after all that cake! I hope that means that when you’re here, you won’t want sweets for supper! Maybe you can be a good influence on your daddy…

We bought your cot last week and I can’t stop looking at it and imagine seeing you in it. It feels a little unreal to know that I’m actually going to be a mommy…
Nolene was visiting us yesterday with your cousin and I never thought she would be a mommy either, but I guess the world has strange things in stock for everyone.

I can’t believe your due date is the day after your cousin’s birthday! It would be so funny if you came on his birthday. I think that would be an awesome present…

You’ve changed so much in my life already. I used to have the worst habits, like smoking and drinking, but for you I have given all of that up, and I am so happy!
We saw you on the scan last week and it was the most amazing thing! You were opening and closing your fingers, almost like you knew we were watching and were waving at us. Both your daddy and I had tears in our eyes. I love looking at you and I can still see you when I close my eyes. When you kick, even though it can get uncomfortable when you kick on the same spot, I close my eyes and put my hand on where you’re connecting just to feel even closer to you. I can’t wait to hold you against me and touch your tiny nose and fingers and toes.

I’m dreaming about you constantly and I wouldn’t have it any other way, even though some of the dreams are really weird and you are an alien baby, but even in those dreams, the love I feel for you is overwhelming…

My emotions are all over the place as well, and your poor daddy never knows how I’m going to react to something he says. I must say though, he’s coping really well!

Your daddy loves feeling you kick, and now that we can actually see my tummy moving when you kick, we love just lying in bed when you’re active and watch and feel you. He always says good morning and good night to you and he calls you his boy. It brings a lump to my throat because you are his greatest wish come true. All your cousins love him and they’re going to be so jealous of you that he’s your daddy.

When I look to the future, I know we’re going to be such a happy family. I tend to stress about the stupid things like money and stuff, but even if we’re as broke as church mice, the love we’ll be sharing between us will be brighter than the sun and more precious than diamonds.

For now my little man, please be strong and grow and develop well, for we’re all waiting for you and we can’t wait to meet you. Only 16 more weeks. I can wait that long if I know it means you’re going to be okay and healthy and strong when you get to us.

Forever yours,
Mommy

Amazing mother instincts!

I’d like to tell you all about a phenomenon that I find amazing.

I’m a sleeper. I love sleeping and I can sleep through most everything. I could sleep for 10 hours without waking. You might think that’s excessive, and you’d be right, but that’s me.

When I was pregnant, I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to wake up when baby cries and I would sleep right through it. I mean, even in pregnancy, I slept like a log, not even fully waking up to go to the loo in the inevitable later stages when you pee every 5 seconds.

Even though everyone told me that my mothering instinct would kick in and I wouldn’t sleep through my baby crying, I didn’t believe them. Nobody really knows how much and how deep I really sleep. Except my husband and even he told me not to worry. Although he did say that I shouldn’t worry because he would wake up and then wake me up.

And then I gave birth. I could understand not sleeping through at the hospital, because baby slept in my arms and I never really slept. There’s some kind of chemical reaction apparently that allows you to cope with about 3 hours sleep the first couple of days. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I read it somewhere (and of course I can’t find it now!). It’s probably adrenaline…

Anyway, the first night home I was really nervous. I was exhausted after the hospital and I was on some pretty awesome painkillers because of my cesarean, so I was sure it was going to be a mission waking up when baby woke up. I could feel one of my epic sleep sessions coming on and I wasn’t even sure that hubby would be able to wake me up when the time came!

And then it happened. I was in a well deep sleep, probably drooling all over my pillow, and then suddenly I wasn’t. I woke up and the room was quiet. I was confused for about 5 seconds, and then I heard baby moving around in his crib (we had it next to the bed for convenience).

HOLY SHIT! Baby wasn’t even awake yet, and I had woken up out of a sound sleep because my body was intuitively attuned to his signals that he was about to wake up! Is that even real? I still haven’t had time to ask if it happens to everybody, but that it happened to me… that’s just a miracle!

Sure enough, as soon as I got out of bed to check on the munchkin, he mewled for the first time and tentatively opened his big brown eyes (I still can’t get over his gorgeous big brown eyes!). I picked him up and settled on the bed with the feeding pillow and popped my boob in his mouth. He drank his fill, I burped him, put him back in his cot, and that was it. Hubby didn’t even wake up!

I couldn’t believe it. Here I was, one of the deepest sleepers I know, and I woke up at the mere feeling that my baby was waking up. How awesome is nature? I had always been skeptical that I even had mother instincts, being quite selfish with how I spent my time and how much I loved my sleep etc. and here it hit me so full in the face that I’m left gaping with amazement!

Hubby was also just as surprised. I think he might have been a little disappointed that he hadn’t woken up and I did… he might even be questioning everything he thought he knew about our relationship! But I’m so happy. Even now, 2 months down the line, I’ll just suddenly wake up out of a deep sleep and little one will just be moving around in his cot, not even making any noises, but waking up as soon as I pick him up and eager for a boob!

I don’t even really miss my epic sleep sessions, because I follow good advice and sleep when baby is sleeping… it’s as good a reason as any to get a maid instead of cleaning the house myself!

Update

I did it again. I don’t want to write every day and fill the space with meaningless chatter, but then when I don’t write for a couple of days, it just slips my mind or I find something else to do and I don’t update again for a week! I’m sorry…

Anyway, let me catch you up on what’s been happening the last week.

We eventually went to go visit my mom last Friday, and funny enough, it was quite a pleasant visit. It didn’t start out too well because when I called her to arrange the get together, she mentioned that she was broke and if we would mind buying food. I didn’t think it was too bad, and hey, at least she didn’t ask for money, so I agreed. Then she mentioned that her twin sister and her boyfriend was there as well and I got a sudden urge to cancel the whole visit.

The reason I felt like that is because I don’t really like my mom’s twin. For a good reason though. She used to be extremely common and into drugs and booze etc… Not that my mom isn’t into that scene, but her sister did it like every day, and the boyfriend was just as bad! Other than that, they were also homeless and my mom had told me the stories of them living in a tent and hiking around.

I swallowed the urge and told hubby to brace himself. He wasn’t too happy about having to buy food, but as he has only seen my aunt a couple of times, he wasn’t too stressed about them being there.

So off we went, and when we got to my mom’s place, I was a little distant at first. I was preparing myself to only stay a little while and make excuses to leave as soon as possible, but as we all sat down to chat, I actually started enjoying myself. The main reason for that I’m sure is because there was no booze, so everyone was nice and sober. The other reason is because my aunt and her boyfriend are off the drugs! I guess they were really broke and had no choice but to quit, but still, I’m really happy for them!

They also had fascinating stories about their travels. They hiked for something like 11000 kilometers! The way they tell it makes me kinda jealous actually. Imagine having the freedom of not having anything and being able to just decide to go to Jo’burg and not have to worry about work and responsibilities. I’ve always been a bit of a closet vagabond, and the best holiday I’ve ever had was the week when I was in matric that I spent in Namibie white water rafting and sleeping under the stars… not even a tent.

Anyway, I digress. So we had a very pleasant visit and my mom got to see her grandson. Aunty made us some really nice potato cakes to go with the boerewors rolls we bought and nobody even fought a little bit.

I’ve been poring over Pinterest again and Saturday I just had to try out the recipe I found for a S’mores Pie. It sounded absolutely mouthwatering and I was obsessing over it. I knew I wouldn’t be able to rest until I tried it. I was a little trepidatious at first, but the method sounded quite easy and I was able to follow the instructions perfectly.

Here is the end result:

Image

It doesn’t look very professional and I’m sure if it was served in a restaurant or something it would look better, but oh my God did it taste divine! I made a whole pie and I’m ashamed to say that between hubby and me it didn’t outlast the weekend!

Here is the recipe I followed: S’mores Pie

Another project I started this week is a hooded jacket for LO. It’s the first time I’m trying to follow a pattern to knit, and so far so good. It’s a pretty easy pattern so far and I’ve finished the back and the two fronts. I thought it would take me much longer to finish, so I made a size 1 yr. I guess I’ll just save it for when it fits him. That’s if it comes out wearable in the first place… I’m guessing the difficult part is going to be the edging, but I’ll tackle that when I get to it. I’ll be sure to post the final result once it’s finished.

LO has been a little fussy at night lately and Monday was a bit of a difficult day for me. I think I may have had a touch of the blues and I’m pretty sure LO could feel it and that’s why he was so impossible. Hubby and I had a fight on Sunday night and that was a big contributor to my mood on Monday I guess. We’re over it now and I’m back to being my old self… or my new self, as I’ve changed pretty drastically since baby came along… it’s all relative I guess. Anyway, even though there’s no tension anymore, baby still gets fussy at night. According to what I’ve read, it sounds normal for a baby to have a bit of a fussy period. I’ve figured out how to soothe him though. I turn off all the lights in the lounge and rock with him on the lazy boy.

Now that would be extremely boring if I didn’t have anything to do in that time, so as I’ve now got a gobii (I sold my Kindle to get the gobii coz it has a backlight so I don’t have to turn the light on to read, plus it plays music and videos, so much more than the kindle has to offer, but even so I miss my kindle… at least we still have hubby’s one) I decided to try something new and I downloaded an audiobook. I never thought I would enjoy listening to someone reading to me as I’ve always enjoyed reading so much myself, but I must say, I think I’ve been converted. I get bored very quickly, but being able to do something with my hands (like knitting) while getting the story is awesome. Plus I don’t have to bother with pressing a button to turn the pages and risk waking up little one when I’m trying to get him to sleep. I know that sounds terrible… I mean a year ago I had to hold an actual book and turn an actual page, but I’m as much a slave to technology as anyone else and although I still have a few favorites stacked in my bookshelf, the only way I can see myself actually reading them is if there’s no more energy in the world and I can’t charge my gobii. Possibly maybe if we went on a trip and didn’t have energy, but I don’t see that happening unless I go back to Namibia and then I wouldn’t take a book anyway… or maybe I would for night time, but the risk that it would get wet would be too big and I wouldn’t want to damage a favorite like that.

Wow, okay, so I went way off track there… the point is, I’m enjoying my audiobook. It’s Full dark, no stars by Stephen King (I’m a HUGE fan). It’s a compilation of shortish stories (the Kings stories are never short though, are they?). Even though I’m a committed fan, I find that his stories can be either a hit or miss, but I enjoyed this one (these ones?). The first one was quite good and the guy reading it did a good job, though he made the characters sound very whiny and I didn’t get that from the story. The second one is read by a woman and she also didn’t do a good voice for the main character. Or rather, the voice she gave her isn’t what I would have…

Talking about that, I’ve been thinking of making my own little audiobook. I could record myself reading something. I don’t think it would go anywhere, like I wouldn’t get paid or get a job out of it (I don’t even think there are audiobook recording studios in South Africa), but it would be cool to put in LO’s memory box? I’m sure I’d find a use for it.

Talking about LO again, I’ve got some awesome news! He’s sleeping though the night! I had heard that babies can start sleeping through any time from about 3 months, so I was all prepared to have to wait another month, but my mom has said from the beginning that he was born a month old! The first night he slept through (Tuesday night), my breasts didn’t get the memo that he wasn’t going to need them and I leaked all over the bed. I’m a heavy sleeper (even though I wake up as soon as LO starts to think about waking up) and didn’t realize what was happening until I woke up at 7 in a puddle of milk.

Image

Since then, my breasts are on the same page as LO and last night we didn’t have any leakage. To celebrate, I had a couple of drinks after his last feeding last night and I got a little squiffy. It was awesome! My sister is babysitting tomorrow and then hubby and I will go out for a proper celebration. It will be the first time in like a year that I’ve gone out for a party, so I’m planning on making it count.

P.S. I made supper last night and tried out this recipe for sweet and sour chicken. It was AMAZING!!!  

 

Baking Buzz

Have you ever gotten a bee in your bonnet about something and just found it impossible to move on until you had gotten rid of it? That happened to me today. I had the urge to bake and cook and generally just make some of the stuff I’ve pinned on Pinterest.

I’ve been feeling like energy bars for ages, so that was first on the agenda. I couldn’t find a recipe I liked, but since I’m anything but a chef, I didn’t want to make up my own recipe. Instead I decided to take a basic recipe I found and tweak it a bit. The original recipe I used can be found here. Here is how I tweaked it:

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups quick cooking oats
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • ¼ cup honey
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 large egg, lightly beaten
  • 1 cup dried apricots and prunes
  • 1/4 cup creamy peanut butter

I basically just threw everything together in a mixing bowl and stirred it all together. Then I plopped it in the baking tray and put it in the oven and hoped for the best. About 2 minutes later baby woke up and I’m actually surprised I didn’t forget that the oven is on… I’ve done that more than is safe and that I haven’t burned the house down yet is a miracle.

Anyway, they didn’t come out too bad, although I think next time I won’t add the dried prunes and apricots. It doesn’t taste bad, I just don’t like the combo.

Image

Then I moved on to supper. I had promised hubby a chicken pie, so I was determined to fulfill that promise. I had forgotten to take out the pastry I had bought especially for this reason last night, so instead of going back to sleep this morning after LO fed, I got up to get the dough out to defrost. I had already had the bee in my bonnet at that time of the morning.

Anyway, I hit up pinterest again and found a couple of promising recipes, but again I decided to wing it on my own. So here’s what I did. I took a couple of chicken pieces (4 drumsticks and 4 thighs… I have no idea how many grams that is…) and pre-cooked them in about a liter of water, in which I had added a cup of sugar, a tablespoon of salt and a chicken stock cube. Don’t ask me why I decided on that combination… I just felt like it was right.

While I let that simmer, I peeled 2 carrots and a big potato and cut it into small cubes. I was going to add onion as well, but then I couldn’t find an onion anywhere… I wasn’t about to go to the shop just for that, so I just forgot about it. I plopped that in a pot of water and put it on the stove along with another pot of about 250g of lentils.

Understandably the sink was starting to resemble a mountain at this time, so I did some dishes while I waited for everything to get done. I have a thing about dishes, so by the way. It’s because of my hands. I hate when my hands are dry… like completely freak out can’t think of anything else hate. I also hate that over hydrated feeling you get when you’ve soaked your hands in water for an extended period of time, so mostly I get hubby to do dishes. He’s awesome about it and I compensate by sweeping and doing the general tidying, although he helps with that also… I know, I got really lucky…

Anyway, after everything was cooked, I let the chicken cool down a bit and then de-boned it, adding the pieces to the vegetables. Once that was done I did a little taste test, and it tasted quite nice, to my surprise. The mixture I had cooked the chicken in had given it a kind of sweet after taste that complimented the lentils.

Quick confession: I don’t have a rolling pin. You might be wondering how I got the dough rolled out then… well; I used one of those long cans of Mr. Min. I know, I’m terrible, but I never pretended like I was a real cook, and I washed the can, so I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Plus, it worked like a bomb, so no harm, no foul.

So I put the filling in the pie dish and covered it with the dough. I know at this point you would normally brush some egg over the top to get that nice brown color, but I didn’t want to do that and substituted egg with olive oil. I don’t know if I’m wrong here, but in my mind it’s basically the same thing… it’s just to brown the crust, right?

Anyway, into the oven it went. And it looked pretty good if I do say so myself. Not professional at all, but pretty good for something just thrown together.

I forgot to check the time I put it in and didn’t set the timer on the oven, but I reckoned it was ready when the crust turned a gorgeous golden brown. I don’t know if I would have gotten the same result had I used egg, but I’m sure there’s nothing wrong in using olive oil (or any oil) instead.

Image 

I had to wait for hubby to get home before I could dig into the pie. I had finished a little earlier than I thought I would, and as I could still feel that bee buzzing around, I remembered this little gem I had found on the internet ages ago:

 Image

Now, when it comes to brownies, I don’t screw around, so for this one, I stuck to the recipe exactly, and the results were almost exactly what you are promised, which is amazing considering all the scams and lies out there. The only complaint I have is that the bottom wasn’t (cooked/baked?). Other than that, I think I may have used a little too much cocoa, but it was a perfectly delicious little snack to tide me over.

Okay, so when hubby got home, we ran a couple of errands and then came home to eat. At first I was tentative. I have always been a bit of an experimental cook and some of my previous experiments was quite disastrous… namely a horrendous seafood pasta I tried a couple of months ago! But this was quite good. So good in fact, that I would love me some seconds, but for the first time since giving birth, I was filled up by one serving. I think that was thanks to the lentils!

All in all I had a quite productive day. I got that pesky bee out of my bonnet for now, I have left-overs for lunch tomorrow, and I also have energy bars for snacks. Now I can go pass out… as long as baby plays along!

Family Weekend

Time seems to have gotten away from me this last week. It’s amazing how quickly time passes by these days. Am I the only one that remembers how slow it dragged by when we were younger? I was always dreaming of being grown up and getting away. I never realized that it would happen so soon…

We had quite a busy weekend. MIL came to fetch me and the munchkin on Thursday to spend the night at their place. It was LO’s first time away from home and his daddy since the hospital, but of course, he wasn’t even phased. I bet he didn’t even know what was going on, although I’m sure he noticed all the extra attention, because SIL was also there with her 3YO.

SIL made me a bit uncomfortable as she kept on making snide remarks about how all the attention was on me now and how they were being neglected. I don’t think she really meant it, but still… what exactly am I supposed to say to that? It’s like she thinks I got pregnant just so I could take all the attention away from her and her son! I’m not going to deny that I do enjoy the attention, but I enjoy it for LO’s sake, not my own. I would actually prefer less attention on myself, thank you very much!

Anyway, I spent most of Friday day in the room as I wasn’t really in the mood for small talk and only left the room when I took LO out to be with his grandma, who is awesome. Grandpa on the other hand pissed me off quite a bit. He isn’t really into his grandkids when they can’t walk or talk, which I can respect. There’s not much to do with them at that age, to be honest, so I can understand that he doesn’t really seem bothered with LO. However, please don’t call my son ‘it’ and ‘the infant/offspring’. He has a name!

Hubby came through Friday afternoon, so then it got a bit better as I was able to unwind a bit. I vented a bit and he took it all in his stride. He even agreed with me on his sister’s attitude. He was being a bit soppy because he seriously hates spending nights alone. I wasn’t too lonely as I had LO in bed with me and he slept awesome, so I wasn’t even tired.

On Saturday we drove through to Darling to meet up with my side of the family. Yes, I do sometimes visit my dad and step family, even after our history. It’s not pleasant and I try to space the visits out long enough so that I have time to get over the last one. They don’t really do anything, but stepmonster always makes snide remarks and tries to make me feel bad… which she normally achieves. She mostly picks on my weight, but of course, now she has new ammo in the form of my little boy, which has inadvertently become another weapon in her arsenal.

First she insisted that I was spoiling him by carrying him in a sling and letting him sleep on me. Then she made a nasty comment that his nose looked non Caucasian and asked if I was sure hubby was the dad. Are you serious? Of course I’m fucking sure he’s the dad! Excuse my language, but what the hell kind of question is that anyway? And what are you trying to say about my son’s looks?

At least that visit is over now and hopefully I won’t have to see them again until September, when my youngest stepsister is getting married. She’s the only one on that side of the family that I can handle and even like a bit. She’s not as judgmental and doesn’t really gossip as much, although she is her mother’s daughter and hasn’t completely escaped some bad influences.

I guess seeing as we saw the whole family this weekend I should make time to see my mom as well, but for some reason my phone has been reset and I don’t have connectivity and I’ve lost most of my numbers, including my mothers, so I keep forgetting to redo that and then that leads to me not calling my mom and it’s all just a snowball. Not that I’m broken up about not seeing my mom. I’m actually quite dreading it because I don’t know what her situation is at the moment. She’s a drifter when it comes to work, you see. And if she doesn’t like a particular job, she’ll leave without getting a new job, so then she needs money and I’m normally her first point of contact, but the last time she asked, I refused, so she’s been very quiet since then.

I used to always cave and give her money and she owes me tons, but then I remembered that I really don’t owe her anything and stopped. Yeah she’s my mother, but she abandoned me and my sister with my dad when we were like 5 and went off to enjoy her life. I don’t know why I let her guilt me, but I have always been a soft hearted person. And I have special weaknesses when it comes to family, whether I like them or not. Besides, I’m the one supposed to be asking her for help, aren’t I?

So yeah, that’s been my last couple of days. LO got his first immunizations today, and apart from a minute bout of crying as it was happening, he wasn’t bothered at all. He’s really an amazing little creature and I count my blessings all the time. I don’t know what I did to get so lucky, but thank God I did!

I’m not even sure I’m doing the right thing in immunizing him, as I’ve been reading all kinds of things on the internet about how it can cause autism. There are a lot of opinions out there, but in the end, I want to give him the best start I possibly can, and in my mind, if I can prevent some diseases by getting him these immunizations, then hell, I guess we’ll just have to take things as it comes. I might not be the biggest or best Christian out there, but I do believe in God, and I’ve always believed that he would never put more on your plate than you can handle.

Nostalgic Friday

Today being Friday, I find myself thinking about the days when I used to celebrate the start of the weekend with a couple of drinks. At the time, I thought drinking to excess and getting really silly was the height of enjoyment. Now I know the truth of course. I was young and stupid back then, but just because I know better now doesn’t make me not want to drink anymore.

Today I’m having one of those days where an ice cold brandy and coke would go down mighty well… but being a food source to a pretty important little guy, I’m not allowed to imbibe, as it would pretty much be the equivalent of this:

So instead of indulging, I give you the warning labels that should come with alcohol in the hopes that it will curb my desires…

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Proposed Alcohol Labels Warning Labels

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the

hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are

whispering when you are not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a

Retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends

over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that

ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the

morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically

converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are

Tougher, Smarter, Faster and Better Looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are

laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

(Highly appropriate!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting

your Ass Kicked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel

Gode.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

If you’re in the same boat as me, I hope this post made you laugh and feel better about being sober! And for all the people out there drinking tonight, be safe!