Nostalgic Friday

Today being Friday, I find myself thinking about the days when I used to celebrate the start of the weekend with a couple of drinks. At the time, I thought drinking to excess and getting really silly was the height of enjoyment. Now I know the truth of course. I was young and stupid back then, but just because I know better now doesn’t make me not want to drink anymore.

Today I’m having one of those days where an ice cold brandy and coke would go down mighty well… but being a food source to a pretty important little guy, I’m not allowed to imbibe, as it would pretty much be the equivalent of this:

So instead of indulging, I give you the warning labels that should come with alcohol in the hopes that it will curb my desires…

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Proposed Alcohol Labels Warning Labels

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the

hell happened to your bra and panties.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are

whispering when you are not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a

Retard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends

over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that

ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the

morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically

converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are

Tougher, Smarter, Faster and Better Looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are

laughing WITH you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

(Highly appropriate!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting

your Ass Kicked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel

Gode.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

If you’re in the same boat as me, I hope this post made you laugh and feel better about being sober! And for all the people out there drinking tonight, be safe!

 

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